Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
