Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
