Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize