We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
