yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
There's always time for handjobs
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
