i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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