nut hugger
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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