I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
