ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
