Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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