I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
