He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
