Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Blood and glitter go together right?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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