Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
