I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
