idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
