I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize