Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
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My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
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Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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