Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
