If i come over, it means nothing
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
