i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
