Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
