Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
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I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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