So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
