I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
