from now on my penis is your penis
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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