You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
