John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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