my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
