remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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