Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
