I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
