How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
