Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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