You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
