Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
