I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
