I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
