you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
