Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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