maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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