i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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