Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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