If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
