don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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