Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
