pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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