I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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