Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
