I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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