Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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