No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
