he wants to bone in the snuggie
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
