Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
