He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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