remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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