its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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