You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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