After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
