Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The uberlube is also flammable
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
