Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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