You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
