"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
