I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
