I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Green mimosas i think yes
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
