Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
cat food counts as protein by the way
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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