sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
