So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
