she was so not down for the gang bang
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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