I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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